cillathenomad

Yesterday I was feeling quite good, which I haven't felt since before I got sick in november.  I cleaned my room, made a change and was quite happy for having a day without any problems. But something was missing, my friend...whom I haven't spoken to in a few months after not that huge but tired argument. We parted, both angry: he was angry because I said that his manners sound a lot like Sheldon Cooper, character from "The Big Bang Theory" who I actually like. Even though I like Sheldon, being quirky and strange... he's funny. But what I don't like is his "using" of the people close to him to get to his goal. That's pretty much what I said to my friend, I was and I'm still angry at that...when he wants something: talk or whatever it's gotta be his terms, his choices. If I talk too much, I annoy him. If I care too much, it's "nasty"...yes I loved him, more than friends but instead of telling me "You know I like you, but as my friend...we've been friends for blah blah years." He just acts like I've said pretty much "I wanna sleep with you."

I texted him yesterday afternoon, which I'm starting to think was a bad idea. I'm not sure I wanna stay friends with him anymore. I see clearly today and his words, were clearly unspoken for. I expressed my feelings, once earlier in our friendship and now...Am I so hideous that I can't do that anymore? I can't shut down my feelings, I can tame them but nothing more. Well for now I can say, I'm not going to talk to him until he texts and maybe not even response right away. 'Cause clearly, I'm nasty.