" I don't want any regrets..."
I remember when Booth told Brennan so many times that he loved her and she couldn't say anything, at least not until Booth found someone else and she thought she could lose him. It's kind of how I'm feeling right now...I do miss someone at my side, someone to love more than just friends or family but after so long time of being alone I kind of feel more secure. Secure of what I want, secure of my future and definetely that my religion stands before any decision is made. I'm not a regular christian, I'm not a regular catholic...I'm just a girl with a stronger faith in God and his message through his prophets. I'm a new kind of catholic...with old and new values, no bullshit.
I don't want any regrets of my life decisions...and by that I mean that if the right guy doesn't come along in this lifetime then well...I might get him in the next :)
So, that means that I won't push into things...it's just a waste of time. I've met my share of idiots and let me tell you: YUCK! There was one I wanted...one I met 8 years ago in the school yard of Södertörn College but he never felt like that about me and after this second attempt to show that my interest was real I know that it's never gonna happen. So now I'm backing off and focusing on new projects: my course in history, my journey to London and just live my life to the fullest. It hurts a bit though...'cause I was willing to forgive him for all the moments he made me mad or cry if he in fact loved me. But I guess I'll just forgive him and move on. We simply weren't meant to be together.
Feeling plain shitty :(
So I felt lousy, I kept hearing her words in my head and suddenly I just couldn't take it anymore...so on saturday morning when I got up to get myself ready for work, I couldn't go. I called in sick and stayed home with my girls....didn't do anything besides sleeping. It's easier sleeping during the day than during the night, at night I often think about things that worry me and well I can't sleep.
Besides this awful feeling, my doctor (a substitute and a bitchy thing) says that it's not enough of a reason to stay home....feeling bad, unable to sleep and all my feelings aren't enough. What did she want? That I should've cut my wrists and then asked for help? It's sick! They're supposed to help before that happens to prevent the hurt person to do any damage.
So I left, just feeling angry and shitty....it just hurts now.
Think I need to watch some feel better movies like "Eat, Pray, Love" or something....
Skansen with my guy-friend.
So yesterday I was out with my guy-friend (no he's not my boyfriend) Marcus, he was visiting me for the day so we made plans to go to Skansen. First he had an interview in Nortull for this travel company, so we hang out for a while in the sun, we talked and he made me laugh...repeatedly :)
We had this long walk all the way to Skansen, I was quiet and just enjoyed the weather...he was worried about me, asked how I was "You're very silent, everything okay?". I just smiled and said that everything was fine, which it actually was. For the first time in a long time, we got along and didn't fight for anything. Well it's been 8 months since London, but I'm getting the feeling he missed me all this time. I almost aren't online at MSN anymore, Facebook not so much anymore either and text messages only once in a while.
It was warm out, the sun shined on us and I felt so incredibly satisfied with this moment. When we got to Skansen, we went up to the small shops and tried to find something good to eat. So at Solliden stage, we ate in the sunlight...surrounded by birds hehe, more talk and smiles. We hit the aquarium, sat in the shadows for a while laughing about stuff and then entered, I asked if he brought his ID card ('cause they don't let out monkeys) and he said "I brought my passport hehe." We checked out the animals, I strolled by myself for a while and he kind of searched for me...stood close to me, feeling his breath in the back of my neck.
LOL...my girls and me ^^
Spider-Man.... ;)
In the end of the aquarium, he asked if I was petting the snake or the spider...I said no (huge line and it would only be the snake in that case), so he went outside and we sat in the shadows again. Enjoyed the silence for a while, talked a bit and I took a picture of a "Timon" right in front of me. That's when he laughed a bit and said "I just got a picture of two "Timons" hehe." showed me the picture and it was me with the tiny animal.... Great ^^.
Checked some more animals, then he asked me: "Want some icecream?" Since it was burning outside I was like "Sure, let's find some place good." So we found this Cafe right upstairs called "Wallins" and he bought us some ice cream ;) aww that was nice, right?
Around 4 pm we left, took the "trollet" to Norrmalmstorg, took a stroll in the gallery and then walked to the station. We said goodbye and we'll stay in touch.
Awesome day and my company was charming :)
Cinema visit: The Amazing Spider-Man 3D
Right after work, my mom and sister met me at the cinema to see "The Amazing Spider-Man" in 3D at Rigoletto :) The movie is awesome, totally different from the ones with Tobey Maguire but his are good too. Andrew Garfield is so great as Peter Parker (to think he's my age hehe) and the girl Emma Stone, not as annoying as Kirsten Dunsts character...somehow I've never liked Mary Jane hehe.
I think we'll see this one again ;) Hopefully 'cause I think Andrew Garfield is kind of hot hahahaha XD
