cillathenomad

It's a week since I was in Smålandsstenar last saturday....but I've been busy and couldn't tell you sooner. It was very good, I met my dj-crush again and we talked for a few minutes. =)
Anyway, back to last saturday...my girls and I went to Småland and Smålandsstenar which is this quiet little town in the middle of hehe nowhere.



In this town, we stayed at this mini hotel...very nice actually. We went to check on the place my sisters favourite guy was going to sing in, picked up the tickets and went back to the hotel to have some lunch-sandwich. Too bad it was raining, otherwise it was quite pretty.

At 3:45 pm we walked from the hotel to the townhouse where the concert was going to be and saw a bunch of kids right in front row...at least they were short ^^. A good spot and suddenly my heart stopped...my dj crush was there, he walked out on stage to fix his turntable. Looking cute as always, my cheeks burned red...lucky that the lights were out hihi. He did find me in the massive kid-crowd and gave me a smile, I smiled back and tried to maintain eye contact throughout the concert.
I did manage to get some pics of him, when my sister wasn't pulling the camera and making me take pics of her favourite ^^.


Here he is...cute and talented. =)

Well, concert over and the line to signing session was like a mile long. Add the kids screaming everywhere and the heat....do the math. When we finally reached the door to the movie salong, where he was sitting my knees turned into jelly. My dj crush was right there, sitting at the end of the table. I thought that I'd say something nice to him, couldn't think of anything and thought of just leave but I really wanted to hear his voice. So I put away my fear and said "Um, Tim?" He looked at me directly and said: "Yeah?" " When are you going to be on the Café Opera Dj Challenge?" He smiled and gave me the explanation...every word was like, poetry in my ears. WOW
We ended our conversation with "Hope we see each other soon." and his answer "We will".
I did see him outside again, but I only gave him a smile.

Don't know what to do about these mixed feelings I have for him, I mean I like him and would like to get to know him more. But 5 minutes every time (that's actually not that often) isn't enough and I want to ask him out. Don't know if it's a date or just be his friend, but right now...I'll be happy by just being his friend. No pressure, promise. The longer we know each other, the easier it would be to get an idea what he's like.

Do you think he might say yes?

It didn't help that I went to church with my sister today, it didn't help that I prayed and lit candles...the idiocy still stands and somehow the darkness has surrounded my sisters heart and it doesn't want to let her go.

It all began with a stupid chat today and ended with that now she wants to leave town. All because of him, that stupid idiot that doesn't understand that she loves him for real....that she has been supporting him all this time and all he does is make mistakes. Yeah, she wants to leave. She wants to leave for Helsingborg and leave everything behind, including the love of her life. Why? Because the stupid idiot that she loves, says he's dating. DATING! He's an idiot, I mean is he blind or what? Can't he see how much he's hurting her, how much she really loves him and still has doubts? Come on!! Why are all guys idiots? Why can't they see the person close to them, the one that stands quietly by the sidelines and that offers her entire heart to an idiot that doesn't even see her. I hope God does something, I'm a believing catholic and I know things happen for a reason but I also know that good things shouldn't come for free. You've gotta fight, fight for the things that you love...other wise some idiot will take your loved one away from you and THEN you'll realise that you didn't do shit about it.

I hope something lights up his mind and hers, to make them change decisions otherwise they'll head to different directions and be forever unhappy. Tell me, is there any hope?

I'm happy, well at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself when I don't feel so well. My blood sugar is in control, work is alright and the friend-part...let's just say that I stick to those who are my friends. I don't need "half friends"....I had that and I'm done with it.
There's this part though...the love part, the part that's in every single movie that I watch and that aches in my heart when I know it doesn't happen to me. I mean I was watching "Bones" and I really hate when Brennan doesn't really understand her feelings for Booth, it's clear that he loves her and yet he's with other women. I hated when Lois ignored Clark and God, so many other coupples that don't do shit about their feelings until it's almost too late.
I didn't get that chance, I struggled with my feelings most of the time and I always end up loosing. Unfortunately every time I told someone that I liked him....it's always the same answer: No, but you're cute.

I HATE BEEING JUST CUTE!

I know, patience....someday will it happen. Well it happened, but it was the wrong person. How many chances can a person get before it's too late? I mean, am I too late?

This pic is from "Sense and Sensibility" Gorgeous Movie!

Yesterday I got my "Bones season 5" dvd =) but I was so tired that I couldn't look at it!! Instead I listened to season 2 while I slept hihihihi. I woke up at 6:30 when my mom left for work and then fell asleep again until 8 am...I have to be at work at 2 pm, so I got some things to fix before that ;) like doing the dishes and making the beds.

Luckily from today, I have 2 days off from work since I have to work this weekend but only short shifts 8-13 (on saturday I get off at 12:30 since I've got plans with the girls).
I wanted to go to the Dj Challenge at Café this sunday but I've no one to go with =( I guess another weekend without seeing my dj crush and a chance to talk to Jay (he's such a nice guy) but hopefully I'll get a moment!

What are you guys doing this weekend?

This last weekend I was in Helsingborg with the girls (my mom and sister) too see my sisters favourite guy. I was kind of hoping my dj crush was going to be there too but no such luck...I miss him although he's quite close. All I have to do is go to Café and there he'll be... =)


This is the rocky part...


City Hall (I think... ^^) Looks more like a castle to me... =)



This is a very cool fountain they had...actually there were two of them ^^

Well it was nice in Helsingborg, there's this beaut shore walk (tiny beach part, if you get passed the rocks) but what most captivated me was that it looked just like Viña del Mar in my home, Chile. I felt the tears gather in the corner of my eye but I managed to get rid of them. We took a long walk, took some photographs and had a nice time. We stayed at this nice hotel across the station and they had this small pond with two goldfish...they were so cute!! When we got back from the walk later during the evening they were asleep ^^.
We left on sunday morning at 8:30 am, there were other trains available but both mom and I worked early on monday, so we needed to get some rest. My lucky sister is beginning classes next week =)
I felt a little sick in the train home, but I think it was because I hadn't eaten any lunch.... =S
Very nice trip and very nice people....quite a weekend!

I told you that I had a cute picture of my dj-crush from the last time I saw him ;) And here it is...

He's got a lot of cute poses and this is one of them =) the other one is the poutting of his lips...^^

Well, today was a good day....I was at the course (support relatives) and we had this moment of relax, had to think about a nice place to be....well my nice place is a lavender field in the south of France. It's on my bucket list....to walk on a lavender field, with the man I love (if I can get a hold of him) someday.



So I guess I'm in Provence....well I felt that I was sitting there in the middle of the field and suddenly I felt that I was falling asleep...so I "woke up". ^^ Besides having a few moments of conversations (with a person I've never talked to before) it was quite fun and very giving.
It shows how much first impressions mean to each person individualy. Never judge a book by it's cover, that goes for people too.
Anyway, I went to town to buy some stuff and then went home....I was totally TIRED!!

Well, I'm gonna go and watch "Bones" now, night night everyone!
Have a GREAT WEEKEND!!

I got my "Iron Man 2" dvd today *happydance* Something exciting to watch when I get home from work today =). What are you guys up to? 
Like I said, I'm at work until 20:45...tomorrow early bird at 8 am to 1 pm and course on friday 8:30 am to 5 pm....finally the weekend off =) There's something fun on the schedule but I have to check some stuff first. I'll let you know ASAP.
My friend from work Vero and I are planning on a possible trip to Italy next year...5 days in Rome. I really really want to go, since I also intend to visit the Vatican. It's on my bucket list, I don't think I've told you about it. Well, yes I have a bucket list....places I want to visit, things I want to do....possible dreams that can come true.
I'll get you the list later, but Rome is definetely on my list. It's a place with such culture and beautiful architecture that it aches in my heart, and yeah it was before I saw "Eat Pray Love".
Well and since I'm catholic it also has a spiritual meaning. Pray in the Vatican, should be very exciting!

I gotta go, have to start giving those meds and something to eat to my patients. Later

At work....and I think I'm going mad after just a few hours here.
I know, I know...patience, things will get better but honestly I think it's just getting worse.
Or at least now. It's odd though....in my horoscope today said that it would be a tough day....*hmm*

Just before I got to work, I had a daydream about my dj-crush =) I looked at the trees and it's different colours, thinking what it would be like to go for a walk and just talk about everything and nothing. I'm not the kind of girl that likes expensive restaurants or luxury, I like the luxury of being alone with the guy I love....just be ourselves.
I would love to run away from my everyday basis...be with him a single moment and feel free, to feel his arms around me, protecting me from harm. I'll bet he's the "hero" type ^^.

Anyway....I'll be going home quite soon. Just getting myself ready, it's been a long day (not time based but I did have to stand a lot).
I'm doing a make-over in my bedroom but it's not finished yet. I'll show you, as soon as I get the time to take pics as well ?=).

Bye everybody, talk to you tomorrow!

Slow day at home, I've been enjoying myself doing almost nothing =) I made the beds, cook lunch and did the dishes =). Before dinner I was checking my closet, trying to put away the clothes that don't fit me anymore. I've lost weight because of my diabetes, so they're getting too big ^^. Which can only be positive!

Well, before dinner I watched a movie who captivated my heart a coupple of years ago. I listen to it's soundtrack everyday and just enjoy the french language. It's "La vie en rose" about Edith Piaf's life, from the gutter to stardom. It's a sad story, she grew up with her mother who left her at her mothers house, trying to make a living as a singer. But her grandmother was a drinker, so she didn't care much when her father came to pick her up. He left her at his mothers "house" where Edith met Titine...the only woman who was and cared for her like her own mother. The only problem was that she was a prostitute and worked for Edith's grandmother.
A year later, her father picked her up to join a circus and the separation from Titine was very painful. Her singing career began in the street, when she was 10 and finally when she was 20 she was discovered by "Papa Lepleé". The rest is history with sadness and lost love.
Definetely a movie worth watching and it's soundtrack is AMAZING!

Watch it =)

it feels so cold to be alone..."

I'm in a mushy mood, listening to Take That's old albums. I got their newsletter that they're releasing a new album in november with Robbie Williams =D I'm glad that they're being mature and put the stupid arguements behind them. I never had the opportunity to see them live, just Gary Barlow in 98. I was only 16 years old, had just broke up with my boyfriend and enjoying my life as a single girl.
Well today I went to work, my shift ended at 1 pm and then I went over to my friends house for a minute....he was sick so I brought him some food from the restaurant. We talked and then I left, took the bus and ended up in Högdalen. My sugar was running low, so I bought my favourite drink "Oatly" with apple and boysenberry...took the subway and got off in Hötorget, took a walk while I waited for my family to come. I looked for a hat to wear this fall/winter....my ears almost fell off this morning. 2 degrees out....brrrrrrr where's my blanket?!
But I didn't find anyone cute enough....wrong colour, too thin, too expensive....nope nothing, so I'm gonna wait until I find that special one =).



Tomorrow's sunday....work again from 8-13 and then I'm going home to get some rest. Yeah about Café tomorrow....I don't think I'll go, even though I really really want to, I have no one to go with. My friend-list is a little low....they either work on monday or they just don't want to go. And I'm not confident enough to go alone, I wanna talk to someone and you know, feel safe. Then I can go pretty much anywhere and talk to almost anyone....well in this case I would like to talk to my dj crush ;)

On another matter....I wanna go to the "Östasiatiska" museum to see the "Terracotta Army", the opera to see "Faust" but NOT ONE PERSON to go with....I could go alone, but who to comment with?
Oh well....I'll leave it as an idea, maybe I'll find someone to go with ;)

Later people, dinner time!

If there's something you want to know about me, just ask =) I'll try to answer!

There's a coupple of questions I would like to ask to my dj-crush or Jay when I get the chance...

The turntables, how does it work?

Can you put any cd/vinyl and just mix it?

Do you have pre-made mixes or do you make them up as you go along?
I've heard of pre-made ones...appereantly not the best choice =S

How long have you been a dj? What gave you the idea, what do you study?


I think that's pretty much it...for now, I can probably come up with tons of other questions ^^ since I'm curious out of nature =)

Another 45 minutes to go and then I get to leave....*yay*

Askungen är på jobbet...slutar 20:45 och skulle mer än gärna ta bussen till slottet o träffa den söte prinsen som spelar musik i sitt dj-bås. 
Ett problem....Måste upp tidigt imorgon och jobba igen. Skulle annars kunna gå på söndag (slutar 13.00 och skulle mycket väl kunna gå på kvällen) och sova ut på måndag (ledig då). *Suckar tungt*

Anyway...jag är fast på jobbet ett tag till, kanske borde göra en ordentlig make-over innan jag åker till prinsen som spelar musik...min idé är att klippa mig, handla lite fint smink och ändra lite i min garderob. Har sett lite fina kläder, money is not a problem men kanske storleksmässigt. Jag gillar Narciso Rodriguez top med lite v-ring från Lindex men tyvärr finns den bara till storlek 40 =(
Mina rutiga skjortor känns lite passé, mina trista jeans lite väl tråkiga och min garderob känns tom. Får nog passa på i helgen och kolla om det som finns där verkligen ska användas eller bytas ut helt.
There's a guy I want to charm and I wanna do it now....
Oops larmen går, gotta go now.

Kvällens Låt: " I want you back" Jackson 5     ;) thinking of you of course!

Funny thing life, one moment you're having the time of your life and the second "what's your name again?" I realised that if you don't make a move on the guy you like he might go and find someone else. Yesterday, just taking the subway to anywhere in town I thought I saw my dj-crush. He was alone, he looked at me and I didn't react 'cause I thought it was a vision. But nevertheless I didn't SMILE at him, I didn't even check in the waggon if he was there.....oh how dumb!!!!  I kept hoping it wasn't him but I still don't get why....I do want to see him out, that he might recognize me so I can say hi. But why do I still get nerveous around him? He's nice and smily, how come I still can't make a move on him?

So I've decided to make a move on my dj-crush....I don't care if it turns out that he has a girlfriend/doesn't have any interest in me....at least I'll try. I'll say it casually when I see him again, I'll try to get myself to Café or when he's playing with my sisters favourite and see what happens. Gotta start somewhere, right?
Well today I gotta work, I was invited to this party at Laroy but I can't go....I'm early bird tomorrow too 8-13 and same on sunday....although I really would like to go. My friend, whom I went to Café is kind of avoiding going out with me. I guess she found me boring but whatever. I'll make it on my own, any day now ^^.

" Any girl can swipe any guy out of his feet, just gotta find the right broom".